Over the last couple of months, I have been asked the same question over and over: “How’s it going with two kids? How are you managing work and family?” My usual response is, “It’s hectic, but we’re getting there.”

Which is actually a white lie - because hey, we’re never really getting there.

In my 20s, I didn’t care much for work-life balance. I loved my job, I put in the hours, and it felt fulfilling. But then came my 30s-and with it, family. Suddenly, work-life balance wasn’t just a nice-to-have, it was a necessity. As a privileged woman, I assumed it would come easily. Two strong families as a support system, two full-time helps for the kids, an office close to home with flexible hours - I felt like I could do this.

Correction: I was made to believe I could do this.

Actually, I am expected to do this.

The biggest question no one seems to be asking: Why is the system designed to make working moms fail?

Let’s dig deeper.

India ranks 135 out of 146 countries in the global gender gap index (2023), and one of the biggest reasons is the lack of proper childcare support. Decent daycare options are scarce, and even when available or affordable, many aren’t reliable. As a working mom, I often rely on grandparents or nannies (mommy language for "helps"). Because the only other option is giving up my career and no, that’s not an option.

My entire professional credibility - everything I have painstakingly built over the last decade - is now dependent on my daughter’s nanny’s availability. If she doesn’t show up, I have to drop everything and rush home.

And that’s just the beginning.

While my work to-do list keeps getting longer, there’s an invisible mental checklist that never turns off - think school schedules, homework, doctor’s appointments, birthday parties, meal prep, and household responsibilities.

I leave work already planning my daughter’s dress-up day costume. I sometimes step out of meetings just to ensure she makes it to her gymnastics class on time. Schools schedule parent-teacher meetings and events in the middle of workdays, assuming mothers will attend. And let’s not even talk about post-work networking opportunities - I miss almost all of them because I have to rush home to the kids.

I’ve seen women in their 30s drop out of the workforce or get stuck in career stagnation because of the impossible pressure to manage both home and work. While we battle the “mom penalty” every day, what we really need is systemic change.

Flexible work policies that let mothers set their own hours.

Hybrid and remote work options that give them the power to plan their lives better.

Government and corporate investment in quality childcare. (Look at Bright Horizons in the UK and USA - they’ve figured this out!)

Schools adapting to working parents' schedules because why are PTMs and pick-ups still structured around a stay-at-home-mom model?

A shift in cultural expectations. My partner used to be the only dad in a mother-toddler class - why?

Work-life balance? That’s a luxury only a privileged few can afford. Until India rethinks how it supports working mothers, women will continue to bear the impossible burden of doing it all - at the cost of their own well-being.

The author is director - digital marketing, SoCheers